Some annual cycles ago, this would've been your predictable earthling tale of a small human's affinity for the arts and natural gravity toward an artist vocation. The time being now, as it always is, this faelien has got an extraordinary story far beyond the expected... and it's long. 

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If you know me, you already know what's coming.

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Conversely, if you haven't heard my story... well, I've been told it's quite a miraculous one; by every sort of archetype along the way. 

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My earthling sim, that which is Alana Karma, had circled the sun 21 times. Those days could be summed up to living my best life; the most beautifully unique, full of irreplaceable experiences and absolutely amazing adventures within my grander journey. The thesis video on the homepage most accurately reflects how bright my fire was smoldering. After cultivating skills in the arts of body painting, tattooing, flowing with props, dancing with fire, flexibility and aerial silks... I was an entity of the circus. Some people are just alive, but I was LIVING. My life was beginning to ignite and I was loving it. All of Earth's gifts captivated me, everything she has to give.

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Then, in a single second, everything changed.

 

While turning left after leaving my friend's apt on the fateful day of October 11th, 2017, a 92 year old man driving an SUV T-boned my two door Toyota Solara. He was going about 50 mph and as expected, first responders, ambulances, fire trucks and police all showed up. The road was Dale Mabry in Tampa, FL and the whole highway shut down. 

 

Everything was stripped from me. All that I was completely dissipated and life would never be the same. Never WILL be. I was comatose on impact and all but dead in a hospital. My pelvis was broken in 6 places, multiple ribs, the internal bleeding was so severe that 9 pints of blood needed to be replaced and my trauma surgeries were numerous. My spleen was removed, bladder reconstructed and my brain was swelling so much, my skull bones were removed from my head. Although this was to prevent massive amounts of brain damage, I still have brain damage. This sort is called a TBI, or Traumatic Brain Injury. In addition to brain damage, now I live with traumatic epilepsy and haven't driven in over 5 years. 

 

The part of my brain that's damaged are the frontal lobes. If you know science, you can validate that these control rash or sensible decision making, long term thinking, and ultimately, personality in general.

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Somehow, I SURVIVED. 

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I fought for my life for the first three months and then was in rehab for another four. My skull bones are back in my head where they belong after being stored in my abdomen. The left side of my body didn't move for 3 months while I was in the hospital and my family questioned whether or not I'd ever walk again.

 

My balance is impeccable these days.

My weight dropped as low as 85 lbs and I'm 5'7". The doctors told us the worst, but fortunately, I've mostly made a full recovery. 

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...Yet, I'm lost. 

 

I've kept my body alive, but I never personally realized the depth of ways in which one can experience mental struggle. I'm living an ego death that's been going on for half a decade. I no longer have the skills I did and honestly, I don't even remember who Alana Karma is anymore. But I'm meeting myself in my heart more deeply every day and I KNOW I'll reconnect with myself again. 

 

This experience has reminded me that Alana Karma, as an entity, is a mask. I've adopted an identity within my mask. Since she was stripped, I understand what it's like to live without an identity. I've experienced what it's like with nothing to look to for validation within myself.

 

However, I've also been reminded... none of that matters. When all you have is your naked self, you still have your mind. You still have your HEART, and your SPIRIT. With an optimistic attitude from the mind and positive thoughts, great knowing in the heart and burning dreams from the spirit, you still have a beautiful future.

 

I'm finding mine. 

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